All tagged beauty

The shit we do to look good. Despite popular belief… looking this Van Damme fine is hard yo! The way in which I cleverly sculpt my ginger (yep I said ginger!) ‘fro and the effortless way my loud ass t-shirts clash with everything I own, takes a skill of which only true dickheads can harness. We all have a style whether we like to admit it or not. And we all have that one item of clothing we continue to rock which is clearly 28 sizes too small… but you feel the need to squeeze your fat ass into it like some hairy midget contortionist from the circus.

Does my bum look big in this…? Yes. Yes it does.

So… beauty is apparently in the eye of the beholder. True… but kinda balls too! I will be the first person to raise my hand and admit that if you look like you fell outta the ugly tree and smashed to shit every branch on the way down… then honey… I aint interested! Apparently it’s all about personality which is a lie… it’s all about whether I want to have face sex with you. Fact. If you have a great personality then sure that’s a bonus but I’m all about being incredibly shallow and wanting to bump uglies with pretty people. That’s just how I roll yo… don’t hate me coz I’m beautiful! Of course I aint no Beyonce/Tyra Banks/Jada Pinkett Smith… I’m just Shem and that’s a whole lot of goodness that I’m not sure you’re ready for!

But I massively digress…