All in 80s Retro Nonsense

Once upon a time, long long ago… normal folk like you and I would indulge our senses with fanciful and often ridiculous conversations, where when a question was posed and we didn’t know the answer… we would simply sit back and say “I don’t know.” Like imagine! Nobody pulled out their iPhone or smart phone weapon of choice and Googled the answer, and nobody went onto Facebook to compose a status asking their fake friends opinions on the matter. And guess what… back in the day when nobody knew the answer to “oh what’s that film Meryl Streep was in… you know the one where she masturbates?” …we actually would be content in the knowledge that nobody knew what the fuck was going on and simply got on with our lives.

Sometimes I still think I’m 22 years old. You see being 22 was a good year for me… from what I remember. I was old enough to truly believe that I knew what was best because I am no longer the juvenile age of 21, but I was still comfortably immature to know that I could still get away with being a fucking idiot. It’s only when inconsiderate dream killers get all up in my face and ask me what I am doing for my 30th birthday this year that I actually remember how disgustingly grown up I am supposed to be. I am supposed to be rich, married to a man with 2 kids living in a hot country. However I am poor, gay with no intentions to be married with kids, and living in a country where if the sun is out regardless of the minus temperature, dickheads take they’re top off like its Mardi fucking Gras! Am I living the dream… no. But am I having fun Forest Gumping my way to a better life with a student bohemian mentality… yes.

But I digress. Here are a few reasons you know you’re old but you’re just too scared to admit it.