An Ode to January - You Suck.

So, here’s the thing. January sucks… but then it usually does! For example: Everyone is obese/Googling “do I have gout?” due to zero self-control and dignity over the festive period…

Folk are not drinking alcohol/trying out some new 30-day fad that usually ends in ‘ism’ or ‘oxify’ to prove to their Facebook followers that they have hidden depths to their personality…

And generally, we’re all broke because the month of January appears to last roughly 14 years without a payday in sight.

Oh, and this year a certain asshole became president and made me want to set myself on fire every time the BBC breaking news flashes up on my newsfeed. Either someone super famous, talented and amazing has died... or Trump has now decided to issue a 24 hour violent purge of the entire LGBT+ community.

I spent this morning reading the comment section of some pro-Trump article where it escalated from hating all Muslims to boldly stating that it was black people’s fault that we were stolen from Africa and forced into slavery. Like... I mean... I can't.

At this point (after I picked up my phone that I had somewhat aggressively lobbed across the room and into the wall) I decided that there just HAS to be something ‘good’ in this dismal month of January. So, before we hit up February here’s what I figured… hold tight my friends… life is ok BECAUSE…

One – You don’t need to leave your house because it’s cold as feck outside! The relationship with your sofa and pizza stained onesie is the only true relationship you need to maintain right now. You also don’t have to make up elaborate lies as to why you can’t socialise... because everyone is hating life just as much as you right now.

Two – It’s award season so you get to oohhh and aaahhh over controversial movies and discuss at length with a work colleague who doesn’t give a shit about your opinion, why a best actor nominee is the wrong choice for an Oscar… because Meryl Streep probably should win everything.

Three – February is so very nearly here! So, you get to re-do your January with a little more prep, a healthy glow from your new whimsical vegan diet, and less of a fucking attitude. Ideally speaking.

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