Parents: The Lies We Tell (Part 1) Guest Blog by Dee Dee Shine

I’m 7 months into motherhood with my son Aidan. So far so good **insert awkward face here** I decided to write this blog after I found myself emptying the contents of store bought, jarred baby food into a Tupperware container JUST so I could pretend it was homemade! I don’t even know whose benefit this was for! Me… or my sister who was with me, or a random passing stranger, who in the grand scheme of things couldn’t care less! Who knows! Anyways… I decided to write the top 10 lies parents tell in the first few months of coping with a baby. Hands up I have told all of these lies… But I’ll say my 10 Hail Mary’s tonight!

One

I make all his own free range, organic, antioxidant, multi-grain 100% natural food from scratch.

“Sometimes jars are just convenient!”

Two

We don’t co-sleep, rock him to sleep and he is never in my bed!

“When people would ask if he slept with us I would scoff “no never!” When in reality he slept between my husband and I up until he was 4 months old. Needs must… I’d rather sleep.”

Three

He sleeps through the night.

“Depending on who I’m talking with this point swings. For experienced mums juggling motherhood seamlessly with one hand, I feel like a failure if he hasn’t been sleeping 12 hours straight from 4 days old! So I’ll protest that he snoozes soundly all night! Now that he is sleeping, to fellow dishevelled mothers who find it tough, I play it down and support my solidarity sisters!”

Four

He’s not having any sugar… ever! Only sugar from natural fruits.

“If 5 Rusks are natural sources of sugar then we’re grand! Sometimes he’ll tell me to eff off with my avocado and tofu when he just wants a fromage frais! If it fills him and he’s no longer screaming at me… I’m happy!”

Five

He’s had his walk today.

“Yes we have walked today… down the stairs… in our pajamas! I have too much Sister Wives reality TV to catch up on. There will be no walk!”

Six

He’s just tired/and or teething.

“He has just had a nap and is none of the above. He’s just being a bit of a dickhead.”

Seven

I’ll never pacify him with TV or screen time.

“I had wild notions to stimulate his young mind with interactive books and toys followed with bedtime stories ‘as Gaeilge’, but that went out the window fairly lively! He is now fully up to date on the latest drama in Home and Away and the aforementioned Sister Wives.”

Eight

I miss him when I’m away from him.

“My first night away was a hen party when he was 2 months old. I was asked many times if I missed him and how I was coping. I would of course sympathetically nod and look forlorn while secretly loving the fact I could eat without a small foot or hand in my face... followed by a shot of tequila.”

Nine

He woke up like this! He is always dressed well in matching colour co-ordinated themed outfits.

“Lets be honest… I’ve only dressed him (and myself) because I have visitors. In truth, he’s been in the same baby-gro for 2 days straight. SIDE NOTE: Auntie Ruth (who is 100 years old) sent me a lovely/hideous outfit, which I took a picture of, sent it to her and then burnt.”

Ten

I’ve just grossly exaggerated this list.

“If people ask me, then I’ll say this blog post is for comedic reasons only. When in fact it’s nothing but the truth. Sorry not sorry!”

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