Social Morons

The lack of personal interaction amongst us today is quite upsetting. I mean… not as upsetting as child obesity or my mother’s constant reign of tyranny over my vacant womb and lack of wedding vows BUT it is upsetting. When was the last time you just ejected yourself from your own arse hole and bravely had chats with someone without using the interweb?! I like to think that I live my life in 'real time' without the need of fancy technology to take over aspects of my day to day that may require conversing with another human being. I enjoy the idea of keeping it ‘old skool’ and being present. I even have a home telephone that is attached to the wall with cables and shit! I also like to believe that it’s better to use a telephone to speak real words instead of texting… or sending a hand written card instead of posting a ‘hilarious’ meme on someone’s Facebook wall. Yes I like to think I’m so very awesome and ‘switched on’… but THIS is a massive fucking lie born out of wild notions of being a female version of Bear Grylls! I lost the ability to be self-sufficient and 'pure', the day I signed up for online food delivery with Tesco… despite the fact that there were about 18 different Tesco supermarkets all in walking distance! I was and am ruining my silent whimsical musings of real life human contact with unadulterated laziness. Amazing work Shem. 10 points to Gryffindor!

The realisation as to how ridiculous we all are when it comes to avoiding ‘unnecessary’ or spontaneous human contact, hit me while visiting my parents the other week. I was sat with my family watching TV in the sitting room when the doorbell rang. Normal folk would get up, open the door and then act accordingly to whoever was stood on the doorstep. But instead what happened was this:

* Doorbell rings *

(Mum looks startled)

Dad: Who da bumbaclart is ringing my door at this hour?!

(I look at my watch… it’s 5.30pm on a Sunday. I bite my tongue instead of making a sarcastic comment.)

Mum: Well someone go and open the door.

Me: Well I’m not going.

Brother: It’s not my house!

(Mum creeps cautiously towards the window blinds and peeps outside)

Mum: I don’t recognise the car!

(Dad shoots up out of the chair ready to defend his home and land!)

Me: We all need to get a grip! (I still make no effort to answer the door)

Mum: Lets just pretend we’re not in.

* Doorbell rings again *

(I roll my eyes so hard I’m now blind… BUT finally open the door. It’s some dude selling picture frames. I fake admiration for his craftsmanship but decline his offer.)

End Scene.

You would think we were all gripped with social anxiety the way we were carrying on. Alas my family and I were just being lazy and oddly sceptical of an unplanned ‘force majeure’ like a knock at the arsing door! Assholes. The lot of us!

Being anonymous was one of my favourite things when I lived in London. Living in such a vast city where nobody really gives a shit about who you are and what you do is refreshing when you come from a small town. You become resilient to noise and people, filtering out what is important to you and what is essentially spam. If my headphones are on it means quiet time… and if something is text-able… then why the feck are you calling me?! However there comes a time when you are just being a bit of a dick. It’s often deemed an insult to be expected to speak to someone. Ugh the effort of words! How very dare you! If you can’t text it, email it or dip it in a sepia filter then smear it all over social media sites, then there are no other possible forms of communication… NONE!

Again I repeat – Assholes. The lot of us!

Are we fast becoming if not already a nation of socially inept individuals who would go out of our way to avoid others? Now I’m not saying lets start stripping it back to mother nature by using semaphore or African drums as a way to tap into the true essence of communication, but I think sentiment needs to be injected into everyday discourse. Write a letter, pick up the phone or just physically go and hang out with friends and family. Let’s stop pretending we’re all too busy for the basics. Our lives are just not that complicated or important enough to squander the fundamentals of being a regular nice person.

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