The Toys You Wanted As A Kid

I grew up in an age where the saying “I want never gets” was the absolute gospel truth. And sometimes depending on how horrific my school report was, “Please may I have…” also got me fuck all! The late 1980s early 1990s was a glorious time where the only worries that entered my murky mind was whether I could finish my homework before Baywatch and Gladiators started on a Saturday night. It was a time where I only became exhausted from playing ‘Bust 21’ with my brother and his mates around the council estate I grew up on. (Bust 21 was a version of ‘hide and seek’ but heaps more ghetto… where it was almost encouraged to push your friends into dog shit and stinging nettles... and then laugh... just so you could win the game!)  

One thing that was true to being a youth 'back in the day' was when you wanted the newest toy (carefully selected in the Argos catalogue!) 9 times out of 10 you didn’t get it. Why? Because our parents weren’t dickheads who crumbled to the cries of a bratty child demanding a chimpanzee for her 8th birthday! The 90s were also notorious for manufacturing toys that were 1) flammable and dangerous (Polly Pocket and Micro Machines didn't fuck about with their 'choking hazard' warnings) 2) pretty useless and broken after one go AND 3) required selling an internal organ as payment. 

When I was about 8 years old I really wanted a Barbie on a pink mountain bike! It was truly magnificent in all it's pink splendour and totally NOT a waste of money. I dropped a million and one hints leading up to my birthday, however it never arrived. My mum clearly remembered this (and my incessant whining!) and for Christmas last year… 24 years later… I got this from Santa:

My mum is a legend!

But I digress… Here are my 5 top toys we all wanted but ultimately never got. Ah nostalgia!

Sylvanian Families

I was a massive tomboy (shock!) but I was mad for this! Mainly because I needed a place to house my WWF wrestling figures when they were done playing/making sweet love with each other! I’m not sure what the fuzzy family of rabbits and bears were supposed to do… but this was a must for any young girls/boys bedroom.

Mr Frosty

I NEVER got this and it still upsets me today! Maybe because my parents knew how disappointed I would be seeing as it’s just crushed up ice with sickly sweet syrup shit (oooh alliteration gone wild!) which no doubt contained an ingredient similar to MDMA! 

Electric kid car

On what planet were you ever getting this?! It probably required 27 batteries... ya know... those really fat ones that nobody has time for! Because if you can't use the batteries out of the TV remote control... then you need to really question whether it's worth it. It still looked amazing but this was never gonna happen. Soz.

Clark’s Magic Steps Shoes

So ok this was not a toy… BUT oh my god these shoes were THE shit! I genuinely thought if you wore them you would turn into a princess and be transported on some Narnia like adventure to defeat an evil witch! But alas life has taught us… everything is a lie.

Tomy Racing Turbo

My cousin had this and I kinda hated him for it. The kind of jealousy where I was willing to break it just so he couldn't play with it! Jealousy is awesome as a kid. We would close all the curtains and pretend we were driving at night… whilst drinking a Panda Pop fizzy drink and cheese sandwiches. You actually felt like you were driving… because well… just look at it damn it! 

What is that one toy you yearned for but never managed to get... because your parents didn't love you enough?!

Would I survive the zombie apocalypse: Irrational 101

The Internet Is A Terrifying Place