My Year?

So I haven’t written a blog post in ages and there have been a few reasons that in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares for! It’s like when you ask an acquaintance “Hi, how are you?” You totally mean this in the rhetorical sense and couldn’t give a shit how they really are! Nobody needs to know about the drama in their lives, work politics or the uncomfortable yeast infection between their legs. All you require is a nod and a “grand!” and then we can move past the politeness.

But tough shit! I’m still gonna explain myself! The main reason I haven’t written in a while is purely because I had lost my mojo and lust for life. I have just finished writing an attempt of a short story I hope to turn into a novella this coming month, and I just couldn’t be arsed to write anymore. So many bloody words! Who knew?! Punctuation, grammar… and a ridiculous plot with a beginning, middle and a sort of end. All this whilst trying to not sound like an absolute bellend in the process. I’m not even sure my absence from writing was writer’s block. It was more like a “piss off I’m tired and want to eat an entire box of Celebrations for breakfast… because… ya know… it’s Christmas!” But alas I’m here again tapping away at my keyboard… vying for your attention and wanting you to love me again.

I haven’t made any resolutions this year because I never stick to them and I’m over the ‘New Year new me’ shite. Yes it’s a new year and I am very excited for what is to come… but I am not using 2015 as point of reference to get my shit together. I figured that only I can make that change without the encouragement of January 1st getting all sassy and up in my face! So I’ve decided to wing it and not set myself up for a most spectacular fall if and when I fail to follow through on recycled resolutions dating back to 2009.

I’ve started to learn to drive! *insert shocked face, pointing and ridiculing here* I began to learn when I was 17… but then stopped because I moved to London at 18 and for ten further years didn’t need a car in the big city. That coupled with straight up laziness and the ability to procrastinate my life away, resulted in me being a dickhead. But after much deliberation (and overly dramatic fights with my best friend who hates the fact that I don’t drive!) I bit the bullet and can now be found most days gently soiling myself behind the wheel on the mad roads of Dublin!

I am unsure if this year is going to be an amazing one but I’m ok with that. I’m excited for fun times like holidays, weddings and watching a friend have a meltdown when she becomes a mother… But I just dunno and the unknown is what is keeping me sane right now. It’s when I start overthinking that shit gets real and I’m executing the foetal position on my kitchen floor. Granted… the fact that I cried at an advert for tea bags the other day doesn’t leave me feeling overly confident! HOWEVER January is always a funny one. It’s when promises are made, expectations and delusions of grandeur are through the fecking roof AND your bank balance is a joke. Nobody is really having lols and or bants because you’re detoxing and want to fit into those jeans you haven’t worn since you were a pubescent teenager, Take That had 5 members and penny sweets cost 1p.

Personally I’m just gonna wing it. That’s all I can do. I’m sure something will piss me off and I’ll revert back to my shouty ranty ways soon enough. Ya know… where I think one poorly constructed blog post can start a revolution and bring down the government. BUT for now… I’m just gonna zen the hell out and see what happens.

The Internet Is A Terrifying Place

With Kids. Without Kids.