Being in your 30s is a kind of limbo confusing period when it comes to drinking alcohol. It’s like we can’t decide if we wanna drink the bar dry and make a holy show of ourselves in public… or stay in with just 1 glass of wine… with dinner… because the thought of a 3 day hangover sounds as much fun as genital warts. The problem with me, I like to still think I’m 22 with a bright young future ahead of me equipped with excellent coping skills when it comes to being drunk and disorderly. But alas, I’m 31 and my coping skills mainly consist of someone having to call me a taxi at around 9pm and enduring ‘The Fear’ for 3 weeks after the drunken event. So with this in mind… I have made up some awesome drinking games that strike a balance between being down with the kids… and simply being old and pissed off that I don’t get enough naps in my day. Enjoy!
Drink every time someone shows you a photo of their child. Down the rest of your drink if they show you a video.
Drink every time you check your work emails and swear out loud that you will quit your job in the morning.
Have a shot of something nasty when you realize you’ve only had one glass of wine but you already feel hammered.
Buy yourself and everyone else at the table a drink if you’ve already got a hangover after one beer. Have an extra shot if you said to yourself whilst en route to the toilets "if I just leave now, nobody will notice!"
Down your drink every time your partner tells you that you’re being a loud obnoxious asshole and you’ve ruined their night.
Down your drink and the person sat to the right of you because you are financially fecked and have a mortgage on a house in negative equity.
Stand up and have 5 gulps of the rest of your pint when someone asks you what type of pension plan you have.
Have a drink and flash your boobs and or bum when you and your friends slag girls younger than you wearing ‘no clothes.’ Have a bonus shot if you exclaim out loud how cold they must be.
Drink just enough so you’re ‘super fun and merry’ but not to the point of being incapable to function at work the next day.
Drink with your left hand and flip the fuck out over absolutely nothing. Have a cheeky shot with the barman/lady if you proceed to blame the world, and then apologise to a table when you stumble into it.