How you un-tangle Christmas tree lights! Nothing says ‘Happy birthday Jesus!’ like dousing your home in sparkly shite in December. Many a battle has been fought and lost in my family with the stress of Crimbo lights! After the initial inner turmoil of whether hanging red lights outside on the porch makes your house look like a cheap whore house or not, you have to get to grips with the untangling the lights. It’s like the fecking Krypton Factor where nobody is a winner… Observing someone doing such a task will allow you to see at which point they wanna fuck it all in the bin and buy new ones.
How you assemble flat pack furniture. I always thought that being a giant lesbian automatically inducted me into the hall of flat pack queen fame… until I moved into my own place. Putting together Ikea furniture was like a punch to the vagina. It sucked. Loads. I failed. Miserably. This task alone is a test to your will power, strength and how long you keep your shit together without using your generic MDF furniture as fire wood.
How you react around kids. Do you avoid all contact with pregnant women for fear it’s contagious? Do you want to throw other small children at another child because they offend you so much? Or do you enjoy the idea of breeding a small person who you then become overly attached to and actively allow them to ruin your life?! How someone acts around kids and even when the subject is broached can tell you a lot. They maybe a commitment nightmare… perhaps just someone who enjoys ‘me time’... or an asshole.
How you feel about daytime drinking. Drinking in the day doesn’t make you an alcoholic… it just makes you fun! Anyone who tries to make you stop probably shouldn’t be your friend. Nobody needs those judgey sideway looks when you show up shit faced at your nieces 3rd birthday party. However if they support you in all your drinking endeavours… and laugh at your non-pc drunk jokes… then they’re a keeper!
How you cope sitting through The X Factor! Someone who is strong in mind, body and strength can sit through an entire Saturday night show without wanting to throw a microwave at their TV. Someone who is all of the above PLUS awesome on so many levels can sit through and entire show AND series link it whilst live tweeting how diabolical it is. Anyone who shuns it altogether because trash TV fills them with much vexation, is someone who is surplus… You just don’t need that kind of negativity in your life!