Top 5 Traumatic Movies of Your Youth

Raise your hand if you can still remember just one film that ripped out the essence of your childhood innocence… or as my friend so eloquently put, “fucked me up something fierce!” Sometimes it’s misinterpreting a title of a film like “The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas” as a jolly family friendly adventure… to then realise it’s a Holocaust drama about a concentration camp in World War II. Zero happy endings and shit loads of tear stained cries of “whhhhyyyyy!” Curiosity and stupidity usually gets the better of kids and I know “when I was a young wart hog” (Lion King reference…soz.) I watched some horrific movies that I will never be able un-see and still haunt me to this day. Watch The Exorcist they said… it would be fun they said… cue uncontrollable bowel movements for a fortnight.

So I asked a few of my friends the films that wrecked their hopes and dreams for the future, and here are a few responses…

“Misery terrified the hell outta me as a teenager at a slumber party! When she broke his feet! I was trying to be all nonchalant but I was terrified!”

"IT" with the scary clown Pennywise!! My god!!

“Watership down!!!! A cartoon about psychotic, sociopathic, murderous, fluffy bunnies!!”

“Jesus of Nazareth traumatised me! So much whipping! Not nearly enough hugging!”

“Moonwalker – Michael Jackson.”

So leading off from this I felt compelled to write down my top 5 movies that were really not necessary and totally inappropriate growing up.

The Accused – 1988

Basically a film that includes a horrendous rape scene which a 10 year old girl should have never watched on her own one Sunday evening! That’s all you need to know. Avoid at all costs unless you are prepared to sit in a bath tub rocking back and forth questioning all you have come to know and love.

Candyman – 1992

Apparently an aunt who was babysitting my brother and I at the time thought this would be fine viewing material! Urmm… no. If you have no idea what this film is about… Google it yourself! I refuse to search for anything related to this ridiculously scary horror!

The Lost Boys – 1987

Don’t let a young Kiefer Sutherland or Mouth from the Goonies fool you! Cleverly disguised as a teenage coming of age film… to then shit you up with vampires and people being staked through the heart! Any need... like really?!

Return To Oz – 1985

We all know the story of The Wizard of Oz right? Some chick gets lost, hooks up with random strangers and then shit goes down over some ruby slippers! Well this follow on from that story is far more haunting and messed up… especially as a children’s movie. The headless witch and the Wheelers pretty much ruined my school summer holidays.

Labyrinth – 1986

Oh who knows where the director was going with the plot for this film! Maybe good old Jim Henson wanted to make a twisted version of The Muppets… or maybe he just dropped some acid and screamed “action!” at a bewildered David Bowie. I do now love this film, but fuck me… watching this at school I was terrified! And not to mention the creepy age difference between the two main characters. Any thoughts on a grown man wooing a teenage babysitter?!

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