10 Things I May Have Done When Hungry

We’ve all been there so don’t judge me! You don’t know my story… you don’t know my struggle!! Sometimes due to lack of food, one can act like an absolute twat. Hungry angry is a condition as well as being vicious as hell my friends… but I would still appreciate your support at this difficult time. My best friend is the queen of being irrationally bananas when hungry and I often find myself apologising for blinking too loudly in her presence! So instead of talking her down from the ledge… I have simply learnt to refuse to communicate with her until she’s eaten and the demon inside of her has been exorcised with a sandwich. Don’t mess with a lady when she’s got low blood sugar, coz shit is about to get real! Here are 10 things I can be found doing most days when I’m hungry…

One

Screaming hysterically at a spoon I wanted to use that I’ve accidentally dropped on the floor, but refusing to pick it up. Just standing there… just looking at it… just screaming.

Two

Going out for my weekly essentials shop and returning with a share size bag of Doritos and a Magnum ice cream.

Three

Ordered a set dinner for 3 people from my local Chinese takeaway because it was a Tuesday and I deserved it. Why? Because fuck you that’s why.

Four

Freaked out at a lady in the post office for not letting me use my credit card to buy a 60p stamp. So what are you saying… my money isn’t good enough for you?!

Five

Decided I needed a cheese burger to compliment my dirty kebab. I didn’t need it. Still ate it though.

Six

Thrown delicious unnecessary food (that you will only find at an 8 year old’s party) into my shopping basket… whilst humming out loud “I’m gonna sex you up!”     

Seven

Bought a pair of skinny jeans and convinced myself I could actually get into them AND look fucking wonderful!

Eight

Stared way too long at a bread maker in a shop telling myself unadulterated lies about how I will bake my own bread at the weekends.

Nine

Yelled at a guy who was trying to sell me cleaning products at my front door for no real reason except hungry.

Ten

Walked into the kitchen and told my mother I was going to convert to Buddhism because I needed a controversial attention seeking distraction to stop me from opening the fridge again.

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