I Have a Dream

Yesterday marked the 50th anniversary of Dr Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech. This is probably (based on nothing except my own personal opinion) one of the greatest speeches of not just African American rhetoric, but one of the finest written sermons of all times. It is not just exclusive to the grand old U.S of A but something that resonates within the black diaspora on a universal level. If you have no idea who Martin Luther King (MLK) was, then immediately stop reading this because your lack of the smarts offends me!

Instead of banging on about how wonderful MLK was and the power of the civil rights movement, I figured I would lay down my own speech remixed for your viewing pleasure!

I have a dream, that one day we all will stop bitching about shit we cannot change. Mondays are always gonna suck… a lot. The weather will always ruin your brave and stupidly optimistic outfit choices. And your current detox of all things beautiful and delicious, will always become null and void whenever you have a shit day at work. These are truths we all need to embrace instead of working against them.

I have a dream, that one day ignorant assholes will wake up to the fact that gay people couldn’t give a flying fuck about you hating on them… because we’re too busy creating our own drama and dancing to disco! So save your opinions for your fellow homophobic buddies who you secretly want to have sex with.

I have a dream today my brothers and sisters!

I have a dream, that one day someone will finally discover the cure for cancer. Like seriously… stop killing people I know and love. It’s pretty shit.

I have a dream, that one day we all get a grip and realise there are bigger things going on in the world. Your problems are always going to be important because they’re your own and belong to you… but don’t become too self-involved you selfish pricks!

I have a dream, that one day we will all stop trying to prove how awesome our lives are through social media. Nobody gives a shit about the exotic delights of your sandwich you’ve instagrammed the crap out of, or your first world problems of no wifi on the plane… seated first class… off on your holidays… to the Caribbean… with your gorgeous partner who you can’t live without. #dickheads.

I have a dream, that God will realise he made a big mistake… huge! And sends us back Whitney and Michael Jackson (if not for their music then just pure comedy value!) in exchange for Justin Bieber, One Direction and Miley Cyrus’ explicit twerking ass.

I have a dream, that people will rise outta their comfortable seats and start doing things they love rather than things they are obligated to do... because of lack of motivation, same shit different day mentality… and the inability to take a risk. So you wanna play a ninja in a Bollywood movie… do it. So you wanna be an accomplished tambourine player… do it. Life is finite. Don’t balls it up and miss out because you played it safe.

I have a dream, that one day there will be no disparities worth fighting over between anyone. Race, gender or sexuality. That we can one day look back on the plight of MLK and his freedom fighters, and laugh at how insane racism was. I look forward to the day where walking down the street in 2013 with my white best friend which causes regular stares… will be dismissed as fiction.

I have hope here today my friends! Raise your hand if you understand!

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty… we are free at last.

*Rapturous applause*

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