Not gonna lie… leading up to turning 30 I had a bit of a meltdown! I became so irrational and angry at the world that I found myself wishing extreme pain on everyone who even looked like they had a youthful bounce in their walk. I even lost my shit on an innocent call centre person at my bank for no real reason. However the 30 minute solo of fucking Greensleeves played on a harpsichord when placed on hold… was motive enough to punch someone in the throat. But I digress… Basically I wasn’t a fan of the big 3-0. Then as soon as I did hit the grand old age I was too hungover to care and it felt exactly like 29. The total same. So once again I created a massive drama because I’m a dickhead. The funny thing is (not really THAT funny in fairness!)… being 30 has actually made me realise there are certain things I do and attitudes I have adopted that can only be explained by the fact that I'm a bit older, because I never was this mentally challenged when I was 20! Here are few for your viewing pleasure…
When you’re 30…
- You moan. A lot. “I’m sorry but I’m really old now and everything is pissing me off. And if it isn’t… I will create a situation so I can bitch about that too.”
- You find everything offensive. Even something hilarious you feel the need to form an emotional connection and get on your high horse.
- You refuse to break old habits. Like frequenting the same bar you know deep down is a shit hole, but you go because all your other 30 year old mates will be there.
- Your Facebook newsfeed is no longer littered with drunken adventures and Gap Year pics. Now it’s a lovely collection of baby photos, wedding pics, gym check ins, times ran in the latest marathon, and home improvement status’.
- You book seated tickets for a gig because standing at an event was something you did when you were cool and young.
- You have been found on occasions to say “I think I’m too old for this club.”
- You head to a pub but the music is so loud you decide to leave.
- You realise your parents were the exact same age as you are now when they already had two kids, a mortgage and full time jobs… You not only ponder on how the fuck they coped with that… but that your life lacks all meaning.
- You start to panic because you don’t have a pension.
- You become bold and optimistic of the idea of bar crawl… drinking copious amounts of booze in at least 6 different places, BUT you have two fruity cocktails in one bar that has seats and don’t leave.
- You don’t know how to work your phone so you ask an 8 year old.
- You attempt an exercise class because you’re getting fat… and the next day you’re officially disabled.
- You have no idea what is number one in the music charts or even if there is a chart anymore.
- You will pay more money for luxury like a clean hotel room that doesn’t require you to wear flip flops to the shower… because ya know… you’re a grown up and don’t need to be stuck in a hostel with excitable 18 year olds.
- You look forward to a weekend of no plans except watching boxsets and reading a good book
- You actually get pissed off when someone invites you to a party because you just wanted to stay in.
- You turn up to that party and your mates have brought their children. And you’re now drinking tea listening to and pretending to care about the list of possible nursery schools they want to send them to. Yay.