8 Reasons You’re A Drunken Mess In Public & Probably Crying

Whether we like to admit it or not, we sometimes have over indulged and found ourselves in unforeseen circumstances that include alcohol… and being so emotionally retarded that we scare ourselves and everyone around us. It’s mortifying for you, me and your best mate who has to put you in a taxi before you start an irrational and violent fight with a stranger in a wheelchair. Here are 8 fine reasons you are acting like a complete tosser right now.

One

You’ve just been dumped. In fact you don’t have to be ‘just’ dumped. You could have been broken up for a while now and you’ve pretended that all is well… until you’re on your 13th double vodka and coke and your mates have had to stage an intervention when you tell them you still see a future with your asshole ex.

Two

You’ve lost your phone and you’re now blaming everyone in the bar for being a pikey including the scary looking “I will cut you” bouncer on the door. You then find the lost phone in your bra as soon as you get home.

Three

You tried to withdraw some cash from the ATM and ‘insufficient funds’ flashes on the screen. You try a further 3 times until you’re heckled by someone in the huge queue forming behind you… and the homeless guy sat next to the ATM offers you some money to hide your shame.

Four

Someone is singing Celine Dion ‘My Heart Will Go On’ at the karaoke bar you’re at. You really want to laugh a little out loud… or sway hands on shoulders like everyone else, but this song is a bitter reminder that you’re single and alone. And no matter how near far… wherever you… your heart WILL NOT go on because you are in fact dead on the inside.

Five

You simply are just not drunk enough.

Six

The guy/girl you’ve been texting all day everyday has not replied to your last message. Probably because you overused the smiley face with the love hearts for eyes emoticon, and not because there is a problem with your phone’s network.

Seven

You spent 3 years at Uni and have a 1st class degree in Biochemistry, but you work in ‘admin’ and have just unashamedly perfected the dance routine to Gangnam Style.

Eight

Your mates have all pulled or heading back to their gaff with their respective partners… and not even the toilet attendant with the bad weave and lollipops has asked you if you’re having a good night.

Secret Solo Habits #SSH

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