Taylor Swift Is A Dick… and other stories.

The singer whatever is 23 according to my fine reliable sources at Wikipedia but she still is singing about nonsense teenage angst. No. Just no. She also has no boobs which I think offends me the most. The only song from her repertoire of wrecking my head on the regular… and that I can condone, is that never ever track AND that is only because it’s fun to scream to after a few vodkas and jager bombs on a night out!

For the sake of not wanting to sound like a grandma but also not giving that much of a shit to refrain from this outburst, music just isn’t what it used to be. Seriously. Now I’m no music snob who only listens to obscure underground Hip Hop DJ’s who mix acid jazz with Latin rhythm and blues artists circa 1948. I dance to S Club 7… sing unashamedly to the Five mega-mix and rinse out Adele until it doesn’t hurt anymore! Of course I have mad love for other ‘cool’ bands and acts that encourages the label of ‘hipster scum’… but I know what I like… and it ain’t no prom queen who is riding 1 of 5 from equally shite One Direction.

I miss watching Top of the Pops on a Thursday night and genuinely getting excited at the music, as well as not harbouring insane amounts of anger for the radio playing Justin Bieber on loop. Yes it’s my age as what thrilled me as a youth really isn’t making me tingle as a 30 year old... but I also have ears and they are being ravaged by shit music way too often.

"So turn the music off!" I hear you cry! But see that’s just it. These pop stars who are as old as a foetus but still credit the likes of James Brown, The Jackson 5, Fleetwood Mac and Aretha Franklin as their influences (BITCH PLEASE!!) are everywhere I go. I was just innocently watching some Comic Relief show last night minding my own business and wanting to pledge my body and soul to stop kids in Africa from dying of Malaria… when up pops the virginal Taylor Swift singing some bullshit about that one time when nobody gave a damn! Cue ears bleeding and wanting to break my TV if it wasn’t so expensive and fabulous.

Maybe I am just old and not down with the kids. (Well I am. But this post needs a balanced rational point of view) I just think music from way back when… made way more sense. A lot of noise created by so called wizardry producers today is just weak diluted shit with a monotonous beat that stinks of the imagination of a 5 year old dicking around with a Casio keyboard. Impress me damn it! Stop relying on a ‘sick beat’ and a YouTube video that has gone viral to make what you believe to be good music. AND stop subjecting the world to Taylor bore off you moron Swift. She’s messing with my chi.

Black Girl With An Afro

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