The Evolution of Self

Sometimes we’re so caught up in unadulterated frivolous bullshit in our lives that we forget to take a second… breathe in real deep… and exhale. As we get older time slips through our hands as easy and as greedy as licking the remains of a dirty takeaway off your plate.  It’s only when we take a moment can we really try and figure out where we are… what has passed… and where the fuck we are going.

Now this ain’t no self help essay made ‘credible’ by a clichéd meme with white font… on the backdrop of an ocean. Be the person you wanna be… do what you wanna do… don’t feel obligated to chase your dreams right this second if you’re quite happy chilling eating cake! This is purely a brain fart that entered my head whilst reviewing some of my blog posts from 4 years ago. You see I’m shit with measuring time. I will often say ‘a few weeks ago’ this totes hilar thing happened… when in fact ‘a few weeks’ was actually 7 months ago and my story is as funny as cancer anyways. My point is… I have no concept of time or more to the point… how things have changed from then to now.

4 years ago my blog posts were full of bitter cynicism with a healthy dose of violent wordy outbursts! Granted I have my moments now because… well… I’m still a little gobshite! But reading through my writing circa 2009 I’m cringing. It’s like looking back at an old photograph where it looks like the entire fashion disasters from 1997 Smash Hits Poll Winners Party had just puked up all over me! My blog posts were hugely relevant to me then as I bitched about exes, Facebook politics and generally why I hate the world… but now as my Irish mates would say “scarlet for ya ma!” Loosely translated that means I’m mortified for your mother for giving birth to such a douche like you!

Shit changes. We change… our environment changes and priorities shift. Issues I was hell bent on rebelling against are now slowly but surely working their way into my heart… if you chip away long and hard enough at the ice! My beliefs and attitude which I thought were solid and unwavering, now have a billion loopholes and grey areas. Maybe it's maturity... or maybe I have relaxed in trying to 'fight the man' when sometimes 'the man' is just trying to be my friend.

Sometimes it’s nice to just reminisce on how far you’ve come… or how far you’ve fallen from grace in a very undignified manner! Either way… I don’t think perspective on where you’re at in life can be truly gained or measured if you don’t look back. I know this goes against what many much wiser folk than I advocate, but I generally don’t give a shit because glancing at your past doesn’t have to mean you are consumed by it. And I mean glancing… with a glazed warm fuzzy look that is not quite rose tinted specs, but simple fond clarity. Studying events that have effectively molded the person you are now/disabled your emotions, with meticulous precision trying to find the whys, hows and what the fucks is often counterproductive. I'm still a big fan of the fact that many MANY bad vibes from yesteryear need to be parked… and then setting that mother sucker on fire!

I think we’re all so determined to move forward, grow up and be awesome people because the internet/society/friends/family tell us so, that we don’t give a nod to what it is that got us to the place we currently are. Take a moment from your ‘busy’ day to look at old photos, read old love letters and crank up “Now That’s What I call Music 28!” Go forth and grab a cuppa/pint and balance it out with a low calorie snack that is joyless and tastes like dead toast. Take part in a little love in with yourself blissfully sighing over what was… and what is. 

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