Top 10 Rules Of Drinking Booze

It’s Friday… the week is kinda over because let’s face it you’re only pretending to work right now as you refresh your Facebook homepage for the 5th time in 30 seconds. Your fake friends still hate you and yes you still have zero ‘likes’ for your new ‘wow you tried way too hard’ selfie profile pic. So as you’re wasting time… do so by adhering to these 10 pointers on boozing and have a fab weekend!

One

Drinking solo is totally fine. It doesn’t have to mean you have a problem… it just means you want a fucking drink so save the intervention for someone who is sober enough to care.

Two

Vodka can and will be mixed with anything! Even if that means mixing it with more vodka… embrace it.

Three

It’s said that drunken words are repressed sober thoughts... so listen carefully when your mate starts with the “I love yous!” Because ya know… nothing quite screams AWKWARD like an accidental same sex relationship that you didn’t consent to!

Four

If the object of your stalker-like infatuation is still ugly after 7 drinks… then give that shit up honey!

Five

If you act like a douche and make a holy show of yourself, then blaming alcohol is a legitimate explanation which should be instantly accepted. Question: Why did you feel the need to wave your penis around… in my mother’s living room… declaring it was a helicopter? Answer: Because beer. Totes fine.

Six

An open bar at any event is a dangerous game my friends. Respect it for it is a magnificent thing and will lead you to the promise land!

Seven

Beer fills you up so no need for food and wine compliments food. Cocktails however make you order one of everything from the McDonalds saver menu.

Eight

Never EVER refuse a free drink or worse still, complain about its quality or your disgruntlement with the amount of ice to alcohol ratio. It’s free… drink up and quit bitching. 

Nine

When someone tries to make you stay out for ‘one more drink’ always do! That’s when shit gets real and also why you have to use an official work holiday for your hangover the next day.

Ten

ALWAYS drink responsibly… said no one ever.

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