5 Essential Tips for a Single Girl at a Wedding

So yay you’ve been invited to another wedding! Although your knee jerk reaction is to rip up the invite with your teeth as you fall to your knees sobbing hysterically to Toni Braxton’s ‘Unbreak My Heart’… don’t do it… just chill out! So what this invite has just reminded you that you are in fact still single with no prospect of fulfilling that ‘plus one’ anytime soon… and yes you may want to smash inanimate objects in a bitter jealous rage but as my best mate often tells me… it’s not about you… so rein it in!

I say this for my benefit as much as everybody else because I’m not gonna lie… although I quite like being with me , myself and I… being the single lass amongst a group of couples can be overwhelming at times. And when I say overwhelming… I really mean shit. Yes we get to rush the dance floor on nights out asserting our womanhood to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’… but we all have at some point crawled into our beds and cried into our pillows because it’s just you and your hand tonight!

Of course nobody intentionally makes you feel like the odd one out (unless they’re an asshole!) but the bitter taste of resentment for ‘happy couples’ can creep in. Those in relationships can’t see it and will not see it or even care much, as they forget what it’s like to be solo. Especially us girls! Jesus we’re absolute tossers when it comes to relationships and letting EVERYONE know how much we can’t breathe without our other halves! I’m not entirely sure whose benefit this public display of bullshit is for… but alas thanks for sharing.

However I’ve come to learn that this is ok. Well it’s not ok for the shite some people post on Facebook about their relationships! Like fuck off with your gut wrenching love notes… but it is alright for two people to be in love and wanting to share this with their mates for one day. Soooo…  Get outta the bitter barn… grab a proton pack and be equipped! I’m single, not overly enthusiastic about weddings and I can possess Voldemort like qualities on the subject of ‘love’… but find some grips… and get a hold of ALL of them!  Be happy for your friends who are giving married life a go. Or at least pretend and talk shit about them behind their backs! As for the wedding day and single ladies out there… here are 5 ways to *successfully navigate your way through the day! (*you probably will still go home crying at the end of the night. But still!)

One

Get absolutely shit faced. Start early with a shot of something nasty! This will have you prepped and confident for the onslaught of ‘so do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other’ and it will relax your mind/fist for wanting to punch the next person who tries to convince you that you NEED a partner.

Two

Wear something slutty and or ridiculous so the focus is taken away from the empty chair next to you.

Three

Dodge the bouquet being thrown. Nothing says desperate single than girls fighting over the flowers of the beautiful bride.

Four

Inappropriately hit on someone hot. You already feel like shite for being morbidly lonely, so trying to woo someone massively out of your league isn’t gonna hurt… and they may reciprocate your drunken advances! (Pretty sure they won't.)

Five

Dance like a dickhead. Be ‘Fun Bobby!’ Even if you feel like garbage make sure nobody else can smell the pathos off of you! Pretence is your friend… so dance all night and make everyone think that you’re having a good time.

Listen… single folk will try to convince you that being solo is the best thing ever when sometimes it’s super hard… and relationship junkies will do the exact same even when it’s not all roses and lollipops. We do it to validate ourselves, our lives, our position in society and to reassure all those around us that what we are doing right now… at this very moment in time… is awesome. Whether it is or not is a whole other blog post! At the end of the day, just do you. Fuck everyone else. Easier said than done right?!

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