Unrealistic Expectations


I really hate it that whenever I feel extravagant and a little crazy wanting to do so many ‘cool’ things and buy shit I never need but eagerly want, my bank balance sits me down… has a little word… and quietly informs me to just calm the fuck down! The other night I was just sat chilling in my flat and I had a sudden urge to drink champagne. It was a Tuesday night…  I was watching Hollyoaks… nothing was happening… nobody was celebrating anything. I was having a conversation with my friend at the time and she kindly pointed out that I’m an idiot and “living a champagne life on a Bulmers budget!” This bold statement made me laugh but also got me thinking…

I have never been rich. I have never saved. I will never get a mortgage because commitment scares me and I know I will never have enough cash for that whopper of a deposit. However, I have always funded my lifestyle by doing all the things finance companies tell you not to do and by the burying of one’s head in the sand continuously muttering “it seemed like a good idea at the time!” Yes I have amazing experiences, met fab people… visited exotic lands… but do I have anything to show for it except my ‘super fun’ pictures on Facebook?!

Leading up to my 30th birthday it would be fair to say that I had a number of meltdowns and diva moments. It was like someone had given me LSD dipped in ‘psycho’ and I just demolished the whole thing in one sitting! At the time of course I had no idea what was wrong with me but now looking back it was just the drama I created in my head of turning 30 and not thinking I had accomplished anything. Now obviously this is a load of shit as I have ticked off many great achievements for me myself and I. It’s just when you’re in a cloud of despair and self-pity all you can see are the huge holes of failures in your life… and boasting about the hundreds of Brownies badges you had when you were 8 (which for the record were just given out for attendance) ain’t gonna make you feel any better. Trust me.

So as a true grown up what did I do to rectify the situation of me feeling inadequate about my past 29 years…  I went on a Harry Potter tour and drank so much vodka my liver wanted to bitch slap me.

You see I still kinda dress like a student. I certainly still drink like a student. Sometimes it offends me when people highlight my lack of responsibility and how all I have to show for my life is a giant bean bag, space hopper and a saxophone I can’t play. (all perfectly reasonable purchases might I add!) And then after the assassination of my meaningless life I do everything to prove them right… by getting shit faced!

The thing with me I am massively unrealistic. I enjoy thinking that life is not serious and if I just keep avoiding monotony and ‘rules’ I can skip all the way to heaven… or someone can sneak me in past the gates! Now don’t get me wrong… I’m not one of those bohemian artists who  ‘lives for today’ and creates an extraordinary existence from ordinary surroundings. I worry about money like the best of us. I have an accountant and I even work for a voucher code website advocating saving money! However I think I’m doing ok thus far… or maybe I have just given up giving a shit… or I’m just not PMS-ing the hell outta my day so my mood is neutral right now. Either way I will still require champagne on a Tuesday evening and extra decadence and grandeur the following day. Can I afford it… no. But will it numb the pain of mundane that creeps into our lives… yep!

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