The Art of Arguing


Whether we like to admit it or not… there comes a time when you just love a good verbal beat down! Preferably one where you are clearly winning and not made to look like a giant ass hole or writhing around in tears because it went too far. It’s a cruel sadistic thing to do… but sometimes we just need to pick away (usually at those closest to us because hey nothing says ‘love’ quite like acting like a dickhead) until we emotionally break them leaving their pathetic excuse for a human carcass spat out on the floor for all to see. No?

It’s horrible. You see I’m not a massive fan of arguing. Sulking I can do perfectly… but shouting I struggle with. Of course people have pushed my buttons before and I’ve lashed out unexpectedly… or expectedly as my oh so hilarious gay Irish husband often asks me ‘why are you so angry… is it because you’re Black?!’ However arguing with my nearest and dearest is not fun for me. Put me on the phone to a complete stranger in customer services who likes to taunt me with impossible security questions to access MY OWN bank account… and I’ll happily tear them another arse hole! But I do understand the strange but true need to just bicker for sport.

You do however have to be careful with wanting to pick an argument as your opponent may be a machine when it comes to holding their own… so inevitably you will be the one crying at the end of the day. You know the types who will ‘carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding!’ So at least have a game plan before you take them on otherwise you will just end up looking like a fool I tell you… A FOOL!

Arguing can be so ridiculous at times. Two of my favourite examples are thus…

1 – Drunken arguments. These tend to kick off after you’ve necked way too many alcoholic beverages and you get all brave wanting to fight not just the bouncer on the door but also your best mate or other half. It’s like all your pre-menstrual training has come to this one special occasion! You then find all the pointless irrelevant shit you find annoying about that person and throw it in their face! You not only do this so callously and with the biggest amount of obnoxious attitude… ever, you then get the arse ache when your friend/lover gets all upset with a shocked ‘what’s his/her problem?!’ look on your face! Outrageous. One time myself and 2 of my friends felt the need to play a game in a bar called ‘let’s tell each other one thing that really pisses you off about the other person!’ (The name needed work but you get it) Why the feck would anyone do this?! Yes we were hammered but no good could come from this friend! So fast forward approx 10 minutes into this amazingly offensive game… and 1 friend goes home in a mood leaving myself and the other remaining friend feeling like complete bitches. Pretty sure the game was just a form of bullying.

2 – Arguing even though you’ve lost your point or you agree with your opponent. Have you ever just been mid argument and totally lost your point but in order to save face you just keep shouting making outlandish statements based on... oh I dunno say... fuck all?! Yeah I’ve been there. Sometimes I will just continue ramming home a point until the point is useless and I am exhausted with boredom. I also can be found sometimes agreeing whole heartedly with the other person but if they’ve pissed me off or I don’t like their face, I will still try and make them cry! I’m an idiot. I know this.

So yes arguing. It can be fun if used correctly and can be seen as a cathartic party! But it can also make you feel like utter shit even when you started it… so best not to bother hey.

Childbirth Sounds Shit

Taking the 'fun' right outta Funfairs.