Taking the 'fun' right outta Funfairs.


So I visited a fairground called ‘Funderland’ t’other day and to be honest the use of the word ‘fun’ in this fecking genius name is what I would like to call false advertising. I went on 2 rides, puked up my breakfast and then went home. All in all we were there for less than 21 seconds before I not only ruined the day for myself, but also my friend who had so kindly surprised me with a ‘fun’ day out. Soz about that. You know when you’re really pissed off and someone asks you ‘are you ok?’ and you say ‘yeah sure I’m fine’… when loosely translated you actually mean ‘you're a wanker so please stop talking to me!’… well this was the response from my friend. About 28 ‘I’m fines’ before we reached the bus stop where we proceeded to not talk for the entire journey… me because I was gonna throw up again and blinking let alone talking was a problem, and my buddy… well because I screwed up her fun day at fucking Funderland!

But I digress…

My point to this semi pointless ramble is that the shit you did as a kid is no longer ‘fun’ when you’re an adult. It’s like you’re forced to enroll into the academy of adulthood and along with your student debt, credit card bills and moaning that you have to actually work for a living… you also become a fully fledged pussy! I remember back in the day I could spend a whole day at Thorpe Park smashing the back out of the rides with little fear or consideration for anyone or thing except whether the camera caught my best side on the log flume… but alas now at the grand age of 29… I am unable to stomach 2 kids rides because they were ‘too spinny!’ Ridiculous.

Feel the fear and do it anyway right?! Bollox. Feel the fear… realize that it’s too fucking scary so chill the hell out and have a cup of tea instead. Simples. At school I would race any mother sucker to the top of the climbing frame thingy and spin around on the monkey bars 30ft off the ground (totally just made up 30ft… but it was high)… but now I get to the top of a slight recline at the end of my road and I start feeling dizzy. Pathetic. Must try harder.

As a child anything is possible and the fear of falling and hurting yourself never came into it. I was constantly in A&E and I am a proud owner of shed loads of war wounds from breaking bones and spectacularly flying from my BMX into a neighbour’s rose bush… but now if it ain’t got a health and safety sticker on it… then I ain’t interested!

I just don’t get it…Like I still can be incredibly immature to the point of drawing penis’ with giant afro pubes when doodling and still find this hilarious… and I have enjoyed/endured bungee jumping and sky diving just for shits and giggles… BUT stick me on a roller coaster and I need a lie down. If anyone finds my escaped metaphoric pair of ball sacks casually lying around… then please notify a member of staff. Thanks.

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