Inappropriate Shit Guys Do.


Why is it that blokes play with their balls whilst engaging in a conversation with you? Like seriously… why is it acceptable to just adjust your manhood in clear view? I CAN actually see you... in fact there is nothing I can’t see except you shuffling your damn penis from side to side! Why don’t you just whip it out and slap me around the face as you elegantly rest your ball sack on my left shoulder! Go on... fill your boots! I’m pretty sure if I shoved my hand in my pants and just started foraging around my womb, blokes would be horrified and call me a dirty slag or sweet sweet words to that effect! So why for the love of God can you not just rein your dirty shitty habits in?!

Granted I can be found at times just cupping one of my breasts when I’m just chilling… BUT that is a comfort thing and I don’t just start flicking my nipples or rubbing them Karate Kid ‘wax on wax off’ styleee when I’m chatting to a friend… unless that ‘friend’ is gonna give me sex! When I’m hanging out with my buddy Benjamin, he feels the need to grab his willy when he’s watching telly… because casually gripping his cock is apparently perfectly fine. However if I just casually gripped my clitoris I think I would scare the shit out of him!

And I’m sorry… but farting in front of me just doesn’t fly either! It’s not big and it’s not clever… and grabbing my head to sniff the glorious smell from last night’s curry still doesn’t make me laugh. Not even a little bit. It is a total boy thing to just expel gas from your bum hole and then chuckle or shrug it off like that eye watering stench hasn’t left your nasty ass! Like go to the toilet and literally sort your shit out… as honey something has died in your guts! Yes it’s a natural thing to do and I’m not denying the fact that we all do it… but just because you own it and make it public knowledge, does not mean it’s ok! The same goes for burping too… I don’t need the stink of your breakfast, lunch and dinner having a party in my nostrils! So don’t blame the fizzy pop when you see me scowling at you after you’ve burped the entire alphabet! Impressive one may say… but equally fucking disgusting!

My final pet hate where guys are concerned is thus… why the feck do you turn into complete apes when you watch sports in public places?! Throwing your pint over everyone when you’re clearly over excited is all fun and games at the time… until later on that night you’re pulling cashew nuts out of your underwear and the now dried in beer looks like crusty cum in your hair. Look, we’ve all had a little bit to drink… but just control your erratic movements you prick!

So yeah… boys… just calm yourself RIGHT down and know your audience!

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