Facebook rules most of our lives. Fact. Don’t act like you don’t know! Whether we like to think it doesn’t… it does. Do what you want with your Facebook account but do NOT do the following unless you are a fucking dickhead.
Adding or accepting friend requests from complete strangers.
Are you that desperate to get your friend list up to a million and showcase all your fake friends/randoms you never spoke to at school/exes you can’t get over?! It’s ridiculous and a little creepy. Don’t come crying to me when the stranger you've just become buddies with turns out to be a 56 year old fat dude who masturbates to Glee and Justin Bieber tunes.
Tag shit pics of your friends.
Ok granted I do this ALL the time… but that’s not my point! My point is… don’t do it to ME! Yes we all went out and got absolutely arse-holed on cheap watered down vodka in a sweaty bar… and sure all the photos at the time were hilarious… BUT now it’s Sunday afternoon where I’m hanging out of my ass and you’ve just uploaded and tagged 196 photos of my drunken slutty self for all to see! Cheers.
Baby profile pic.
Yay congratulations you’ve had a child. Wicked. I’m really happy for you and all… but enough of changing your profiler to ANOTHER ‘cute’ photo of your new-born as I don’t give a shit. I wanna see your face and interact with a grown up… but when I want to leave an inappropriate comment on your page to have your 6 month old child staring back at me… it’s a massive conflict of emotions. So don’t do it.
Invitation to shit games.
I don’t give a flying feck about your farm fighting ninja mafia SHITE online games! Stop sending me requests and buy an actual game console you tosser!
Suicidal status updates.
Yep we all have our days where we want to punch grannies in the street because that’s just how we roll, and scream ‘Fuck’ at inanimate objects because we know they won’t scream back… but for the love of God… keep your issues to yourself! I’m sooo over your cries for help right now. If you were gonna kill yourself you would have done it already and not updated your damn status to tell us all… and to be fair right now I think topping yourself is the right decision for all involved you attention seeking prick!
Slagging off your work or perhaps your actual boss.
If you’re brave enough then sure start ranting about how crap your job is and how your boss is an absolute retard… but be prepared to be receiving your P45 veeeeery shortly. At the time it’s all so funny… until you realise you’ve just been fired. Awesome times.
Nobody is in that much of hurry to have to shorten all their words into incomprehensible abbreviations that takes the reader 18 hours to figure out what the fuck you actually mean. Just type and spell words like a normal person you muppet and quit with the LOL’s, LMFAO and C U L8ER U NOB!
Friend Requesting Family.
Unless you want your mother and father to know who you REALLY are then stay away from being mates with the rents on Facebook! And if you can’t get away with it without causing some offense then limit profile that shit!
Yeah this is a hard one. You shouldn’t stalk on Facebook as it’s wrong I tell thee on so many levels, and as my friend said to me the other day “if Facebook ever monitors my stalking activity… then I would need to leave the country!” It causes sooo many issues and so it’s best to leave well alone… but who am I kidding… if you don’t want me to stalk you… then you shouldn’t leave your profile page public! Simples.
If you use Facebook to dump your boyfriend or girlfriend then you are a horrible individual who deserves to be rimmed by an Alsatian dog. Fact. Yes you side step the awkward chat you have to go through when breaking someone’s heart… but grow a set and be nice about it. Changing your relationship status from ‘in a relationship to blah blah’ to ‘single’ WITHOUT letting the other person know is not big and not clever you sack of shit!