Toilet Etiquette


Why is it that toilets in bars and clubs are usually fecking disgusting?! They usually stink of piss... because everyone pisses on the floor instead of actually into the toilet bowl.... and they heave of dirty sweaty sex! It's the kind of smell where I'm too scared to inhale for fear of becoming pregnant.

Yes when you get drunk in a fine discotheque of choice, your expectations are automatically lowered and you tend to gloss over the fact that there is no bog roll in your cubicle because... well you're drunk! However it is straight up nasty! Like just employ a cleaner and scrub the joint... or buy a lavender scented freshner thingy which is disguised as a pebble or something...

Now for those of you who may like same sex lovin' (filthy inverts... 5,6,7,8 God is good...God is straight!) you may partake in the odd fumble in the toilet cubicle! Now this is all fun and games in my book! A few weeks ago myself and a friend witnessed two ladies go at it in the toilets... and then a whole 4 minutes later they came out, washed their hands and walked off in different directions. Smooth! I nearly had to applaud this 'discreet' encounter! However... I draw the line when you are wanting to bump uglies and you can't get the smell of shit out of your nostrils and you're trying not to slip on a sanitary towel and fall ass first into the toilet which has no seat. Just take your horny self out of the toilets and go find a dark corner like everyone else! Jeeeeez!

And what are those toilet attendants all about?!! No I don't want a fucking lollipop or some shit unknown perfume which is probably going to give me an STD. I quite enjoy smelling of sweat and beer thanks. And quit eyeballing me like I've just killed your family when I don't give you any money! I feel these ever so cheery toilet ladies are judging me. Yes I may have mocked the hideous weave you are rocking on your head and I may have said I have no money on me as I casually use a £50 note to dry my hands... but stop looking at me!

Minging toilets only bring one pleasure... and that is laughter as you check out the graffiti on the walls! Such classics like "Your mum gave me chlamydia" never ceases to amuse me. 

So yes... dirty toilets. Wrong. Just because I'm ridiculously wasted does not mean I haven't noticed the gigantic turd which won't flush, and now everyone who comes in after me is going to think I did it! Come on... play fair!

FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

Summer Vibes & Alcoholism