Black Family Discipline - Run!

If you have this preconceived idea that Black people are scary... you probably would be right! If you have us stereotyped as fried chicken eating, loud mouthed batty rider wearing phenomenal dancing folk... you still probably would be right. BUT behind every angry Black woman and every ghetto fabulous Black man lies their parents... running after them with a belt/slipper/wooden spoon ready to whoop their ass if they step out of line. And trust me, you do not want to mess with Black parents. Why do you think you see so many fast as hell Black sprinters in athletics... coz we've had years of practice running away from the parental unit who brandish beating objects whenever we've acted up. It’s a well-known fact that Black people ‘don’t play’ when it comes to discipline. They will laugh in the face of Supernanny and probably put her on the naughty step for coming up with weak ass discipline solutions. Black people strike first and ask questions later. You can run but you can’t hide (trust me I’ve tried it … I got caught)

Now some may call it child abuse but I like to think that getting a few 'licks' (smacks) never did me any harm. My parents are old skool especially my dad with how a child should be brought up, and if my brother and I stepped out of line we would feel it! As my brother was the eldest he would get the brunt of the punishment as my father believed that the elder sibling should know better... (even though 9 times out of 10 I started the drama! shocker) so my bro would receive blows from numerous kitchen utensils, broom handles, water pistols and 'Old Charlie'. Old Charlie was my dad's leather belt... enough said! Unlucky bro!

I was and still am daddy's girl (not daddy's little secret Benjamin you sicko!) so I escaped from some of the smacking action... but I still had my fair share of plastic tennis rackets and slippers smashed against the side of my legs! And how is it that your parents know the exact spots to bring out the most amount of pain??! Did someone pull them aside and demonstrate how to really cause as much discomfort to kids as possible? My problem was that I laughed too much and had a smart ass mouth on me (no shit!) But the smacking I received was just mere tickles compared to the beatings my parents’ generation experienced...

West Indian families are fucking mental. Fact. My grandma would beat my dad and my uncles for just blinking out of synch! You lived in the Caribbean damn it... what the hell have you got to be so angry about?! Instead of kicking back with a Lilt, it would seem that some island folk could be found most days battering the hell out of their kids! Age old Black parenting was off the scale and is now probably illegal in most countries (except the crazy far east countries where they still stone women to death... yeah that's a bit wrong... but I digess) Discipline was fierce and if you cry... you just get whooped more! Oh and Black parents also have this wonderful thing where they talk AT you while they're beating you. They feel the need to educate you telling you how bad you are as well as asking you questions to see if you have learnt your lesson as they rain blows down on you with the end of a hoover! "Sorry dad I can't quite hear what you're saying as I was distracted by the massive hoover nozzle being lashed into the side of my head!"

One thing you must not do if you value your life is to chat back to a Black parent. I once felt brave/lost my mind and called my mum a cow when she asked me to tidy my room one day... I woke up a couple weeks later in intensive care...

That clearly didn't really happen so calm down. I just got slapped across the face... cried a bit... consoled myself with some rice and peas and chicken!

You can get brave and puff out your chest all you want or do what my dad says 'play man'... but talk back to a vex Black mum or dad... show them disrespect... and you're finished! My brother slammed the door on my dad one night in some ridiculous argument and my father chased after him through the house and slapped him to the floor. My brother cried (pussy!) My brother is a grown man and a boxing coach. Age aint nothing but a number to a Black parent... you're still a child to them and you still need to show respect. 

So yeah... Black parents are scary. I am not emotionally scarred from my upbringing as there was a balance between my father’s discipline and being spoilt rotten by my mother. Me: “Mummy can I have a pony?” Mum: “Sure, but if you don’t look after it then daddy is gonna put you in hospital!” See… that’s a good balance right!

I'm all for disciplining children as sometimes I think some kids today need more than a few light smacks... more like punch in the fucking face! A child is a product of their parents and I'm sorry but if you're 5 yr old child is acting up, rolling around on a supermarket floor screaming the joint down for sweets and using swears... then I blame the parents. I’m not saying you need to beat a child as granted you probably will get arrested... BUT when you've exhausted the 'naughty step' tactic, maybe you should pack them off to my parents for a weekend and watch how Black families enforce some real discipline. Fun for all the family!

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