Top 5 Reasons Why Gay Bars Amuse Me

Going out with my gay lordy mates often fills me with much joy. Joy because you get to dance like a bender in a sweaty confined space on a pissed stained sticky dance floor. However my enjoyment of a good old gay knees up does not stop there… oh no no my fine friend! Gay bars (the cheesy ones… no scary hipster joint in East London with angry lesbians or hard core gay club with guys snorting coke off some other dude’s penis) is defo where the party is at. Now I’m not talking about every week as you may wanna spike your own Malibu and Coke with Rohypnol just for fun… but jumping around to Cheryl Cole once in a while does wonders!

So here are my top 5 reasons why gay bars make my day!

5. You are allowed to throw ridiculous shapes on the dance floor (area near the bar), and actually show off your choreographed Britney moves without fear of ridicule.

4. You get to drink copious amounts of glowing toxic alco pops with a sense of sweet nostalgia of when you swigged Hooch at the tender age of 14. Nothing says you had a good night out like regarding your own coloured wee in a toilet which looks like you pissed out the Smurfs!

3. You get to point and laugh at the twinky gays wearing belly tops rocking out to… Madonna.

2. There is always a drama. Gays love a drama! If it’s not some lesbo getting the arse ache over her ex who is dry humping her new lover who are all part of the same friendship group, then it’s some gay boy crying because he’s just witnessed his current boyf snogging the face off the barman.

1. You get to watch all the funny straight folk! The attention seeking girls tend to be found grinding with the gay boys on the dance floor whilst protesting at full volume “I like cock” every time a lesbian walks past… and the straight boys will be found holding up the wall protesting they are only there ‘for a laugh’ but are secretly hoping they are inappropriately touched in the toilets.

So sure… go get your gay on and appreciate the camp attack at your local homo discotheque. Fun for all the family!

Adele: Fit. Fact.

Wedding Song