Horror. It's a bit crap really.

Horror movies... what's the point. Really. That isn't a question but a statement. Hmmm... let me just scare the shit outta myself and have all kinds of evil and messed up images etched into the walls of brain just before I try and have a restful night sleep. Raise your hand if you are scared of clowns, or petrified of the shit under your bed... ORRRR you no longer can look into a mirror without soiling yourself at the thought that you've just said "Candyman" 5 times... in your head!! Bloody unbelievable. Thank you horror movies, you've ruined my life.

So ok granted if you know me then you know that I don't do horror. Hell, I don't even do Disney! I saw The Princess and the Frog the other day and I actually closed my eyes at one point. Yes I am a big pussy and yes I felt like a knob cowering from flashing bright lights and semi scary music projected from the animation on my telly... BUT is there any need! I was scared! My friends find my terror of horror amusing. I love the support they offer me, like taking me out for my birthday to The London Dungeons and then to a ghost story play type thing after telling me they were treating me to a 'romantic comedy' West End show. Bastards. Oh and I also love the fact that my auntie who was babysitting me when I was youth, sat me infront of fecking Nightmare on Elm Street!! That didn't make me cry... at all.

The only movie with real-ish horror elements I can handle without overdosing on Butterkist popcorn to numb the pain, is the amazing film Shaun of the Dead. There are still some scenes where I have to close my eyes or use a cushion/small child as a shield (standard) but generally the movie makes me laugh me tits off! Good time British humour, a bit of Queen musical mastery coupled with zombies, spells win win.

I have tried to appreciate a good scary flick, but I got as far as the sound of the chainsaw revving up on the classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre (I was clearly breaking myself in softly) before I launched myself at the DVD player and ripped out the plug from the socket. Why people find contentment and delight in watching nonsense like that I have no idea. Why not just whack on a bit of Shrek or Bed Knobs and Broomsticks and chill the hell out. Look, we've all had a little bit to drink but no-one needs to see mentalists possessed by demons or redneck folk carving up a bunch of pretty teenagers on a road trip.

The horror genre. Are there actually any pros to this man-made madness which brings our fears to life?

No. None at all. It's rubbish.

Goldie Hawn. Fit.

Scary Movie: Too much or just too funny?