Bore off babies...!

I'm not being funny but if I see one more Facebook update from a friend gushing over their new born child, I will stab myself in the face with a spoon. Of course the 'amazingness' of having a child must be overwhelmingly magical for the mother and father... but how about you quit polluting my news feed with updates and pics of your bambino! I love the fact that my friends are settling down and popping out kids because as long as they're happy I am happy, but for a bitter twisted soul like me, I would rather you hush up unless you have something interesting to say. People are uploading 200 photos of their baby and they all look the bloody same! Granted you may have dressed them up in a ridiculous outfit which in time they will grow to hate you for, but a baby looks like... a baby! The different camera angles and costume changes doesn't make the boring ass album you've created any better.

And what is with the shite status updates such as "I can't believe little blah blah has just blinked and exhaled. How fantastic" No. How painfully uninteresting. Well done for just wasting 3 seconds of my life reading your crap status. I mean we don't get updates like " My baby has shat itself for the 14th time this morning. I want to give it up for adoption." Or " Why does my child look like the Penguin from Batman. I should've kept the receipt." Everyone also goes OTT with the compliments on how a baby looks but really sometimes babies are just straight up ugly. You may love them all the same, but the fact of the matter is, your baby is still ugly. Your wee little angel got smashed with the ugly stick, but still we continue with the "oooh aaaah they're so cute!" It's madness I tell thee!

It only feels like yesterday my friends and I were binge drinking talking about who we fancied and what we wanted to be when we were grew up. (It feels like yesterday as this is exactly what i was talking about yesterday!) But now the majority of my mates are all married or in crazy long term relationships with a full on family. I'm all for happiness and love but I am also a massive fan of my life right now. Call it irresponsible, wreckless or immature and shout at me all you like with jibes of "it's time to grow up" but when I'm out tonight drinking and dancing... you enjoy changing that poo stained nappy and the full 12 minute sleep you get before the little shit wakes up wanting some food!

 

 

Sneaky Gays!

A phone advert? Soft porn? Outrageously genius?... or just a bit crap?