Working 9 til 5

The working week is flawed. On a study based on nothing substantial apart from complete shit dreamed up by me after 28 cans of Red Bull which has done fuck all except cause my left eye to twitch… states that we/me/you/whatever only really work 1 day of the full Monday – Friday. And what I mean by ‘work’ is that you put some sort of effort in to warrant you receiving your wages at the end of the month. Let me break it down for you…

Monday: Complete waste of fucking time. You’re either ridiculously hungover from the weekend or suicidal from the fact that it’s Monday again. You spend most of the morning trying to open your eyes and form complete sentences, and the rest of the day you’re thinking what’s on telly tonight whilst re-scheduling your work load until Tuesday.

Tuesday: This is the special day of work! Yes my friends, this is the only real day you crack on with your work and try to accomplish all the shit you didn’t do on Monday. You are slightly more awake/alert and you can hold a coherent social conversation with your colleagues without wanting to self-harm with a stapler, because you genuinely couldn’t give a shit about what they got up to at the weekend. Winner!

Wednesday: Mid-week hell. This is the day you all wish was Friday and you moan your ass off that the week is going so slow. Your boss all of a sudden has a million things for you to do and you couldn’t be less interested. Clock watching comes into play and you check your calendar to see how many days of holidays you have left for that extravagant trip abroad you blatantly can’t afford. Your life officially sucks.

Thursday: Today is better than Wednesday but still a massive sack of shit. The only thing keeping you blinking is the prospect of going on the lash tonight as you know Thursdays are the new Fridays! You realise you will feel like hammered shit tomorrow morning… but work on a Friday is pointless too. So the sweet metallic taste of guilt and impending loss of dignity you will misplace on the dance floor tonight, is swiftly erased once you think about sinking a few pints in town!

Friday: Really. This ‘working’ day speaks for its self. It’s practically the weekend and so you can guarantee nowt is getting done today. You might as well have pulled a sickie and sacked the day off. I have personally made the decision to continue drinking from the night before as I feel I would be more productive pissed rather than pretending to work on a Friday… and of course failing miserably.

Soooo… in conclusion, Tuesday is the 1 day of actual real work… the others are redundant. Now continue refreshing your Facebook page.

Merry Christmas Party People!

The Rise and Flop of Miss Lauryn Hill