Yup Christmas is coming and everyone is getting all over excited! Tis the season to over indulge and make resolutions which we have no intentions to stick to. I love me a bit of Christmas action! Well... I like having another excuse to get shit faced and extend good will to strangers and the local kebab shop man on Xmas Eve! There are certain absolutes which define a good old fashioned British Christmas... and so I have taken it upon myself to let you know what makes this festive period so damn Christmassy!
5. Eating so much you may wanna kill yourself due to self loathing and body beautiful insecurities.
If you think you can diet in the month of December then you are mentalist. You are gonna be thrown into situations such as work Christmas parties and walking past KFC acknowledging their tinsel decorations, which will in turn force you to stuff your face. Party food is the worse. You think that with them being so small that they surely can't effect your waistline... but oh no no, if you pile your paper plate high enough with cheese sandwiches, cocktail sausages and 28 cup cakes, you can assure your fat ass is screwed! However do not despair as this is just what happens at Xmas. We eat too much, we have a little siesta and we get fat. Fact. Just embrace your fatty boom boom self and work off the extra pounds in the new year.
4. Being financially abused.
Tis the season to piss off your bank manager and spiral uncontrollably into more debt! If we all adhered to the true meaning of Christmas and simply shared some good will amongst all men we may have some cash... but Crimbo would also be crap! Buying presents kills your bank account... but then again if you do not give presents then you will only be labeled a tight ass and shunned from future social gatherings. Xmas renders the whole nation billy broke. Joyous.
3. Arguing with your family.
A true Christmas with your family and loved ones is not complete without an argument kicking off ideally over the dinner table. Yup, family issues are all the rage when you come together for that one special time once a year to piss each other off. There are always tears before bedtime and someone getting the arse ache over absolutely nothing. With emotions running high after realising you have achieved nowt this year, anything can tip you over the age and nothing says Christmas like a punch up over the turkey.
2. Drunken antics
Using Christmas as an excuse to act appalling is not big and it's not clever... but fudging genius! The amounts of time I have tried to reject alcohol this month but have been met with 'but it's Christmas' is... urmm a lot. Crimbo parties or getting smashed with your mates down your local discotheque is fabulous at this time of year. Everyone is also in a good mood so the chances of getting laid automatically increase by default! AND drunken dancing to Mariah's 'All I Want For Xmas' should be made law by our ridiculous government. Xmas day is always a fun time to get a wee bit tipsy too. You may end up offending everyone, but it's Xmas baby... I'm sure Jesus will forgive you.
1. Coke Advert
My top 'thing' that makes Xmas would have to be the Coca-Cola advert. Yes yes, this little beaut has been shown on telly since way back when, and it's what we all associate with Christmas time. You know as soon as you hear/see this ad, that it's time to get your tree up and do your bit for light pollution. Nothing says warm fuzzy Crimbo good times than a highly satisfying fizzy drink ad...