Porn & Parents

Yep. I am 28 and I still can’t watch rude love scenes or straight up hot sex on the telly when a parent is in the same room as me. It’s like the uncomfortable silence you are met with as if they have just caught you masturbating or watching porn. And nothing says being caught out wanking like your mum walking in on you staring at the Google homepage! Oh and always delete your browsing history… that is just a given. But I digress…

It’s just weird. I even shuffle awkwardly when a Tampon advert comes on and my dad is sat drinking coffee next to me. I remember watching 8 Mile with Eminem in a few years ago and there is this dirty sex scene between Vanilla Ice wannabe and Brittany Murphy… and it was at this point I found I had to leave the room and find something really interesting to do in the kitchen! Granted I probably was due a biscuit break, but I needed to get the hell out of the arena of inappropriate sexing! You can’t watch naked rudies and orgasms with the parental unit. Fact.

Parents and their children (especially grown up children) have boundaries. When I’m at my parent’s house my mother thinks it’s fine to just walk into my room (which has been conveniently turned into an office/walk in wardrobe. Cheers for the preservation of my memory guys) when I’ve just got out of the shower and so butt naked. Her justification is ‘well I’ve seen it all before as I did give birth to you’ No no no! That shit does not swing with me. Yes you may have popped me out… but I am a woman and I’m not down with having chats about what I fancy for dinner as I’m throwing talcum powder on my babylons! Unbelievable.

There are just certain things you can’t share with your family… unless you’re one of those families and if so... then you need to go and make a Channel 4 documentary or just be arrested. Naked love scenes/pornographic material and conversing about sex is not one of those subjects that ever needs to come up when kicking back with the family on a Sunday evening. I would rather burn my eyes out with boiling chip fat than watch rudies with ma and pa.



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