Religion For Dummies

Ooooh controversial. Throw the word ‘religion’ into any conversation and you know shit will hit the fan. I did it for fun last night when watching X Factor with my parents... I was asked to leave the room. I mean come on… people have died over this impossible subject, so mention it out loud amongst family/friends/randoms… and someone is gonna get the arse ache!

I was a brought up as a Seventh Day Adventist (which is a Christian denomination not a cult where we drink Rabbits blood as a friend once teased me about) however I do not actually follow this anymore. I believe in a God type person… I think, but then the ins and outs of this I struggle with. Getting my head around all the stories outlined in the Bible and all the rules and regulations of which Christians should live by so you don’t end up burning in hell but skipping blissfully to the gates of heaven, is super hard for me. I live by my heart and sometimes my head that has been born from experience, upbringing, mistakes and daydreaming. I define me.

For me religion began as a game of Chinese whispers which went horribly wrong! I think the many different religious groups started way back when some dude… (lets call him Jesus for the purpose of this ridiculous analogy BUT you can substitute this name for Mohammed, Krishna, Jehovah, Jah, Ronald McDonald where applicable) was sat around drinking a bottle of wine smoking pot with his buddies. He then decided to state outlandish comments and retell stories like ‘remember that one time I made that prostitute wash my feet with her hair for a dare!’ His mates who followed him everywhere were too hammered to question him so they just went along with it. Then these amazing stories got around and were passed down through the years and somehow ended up in a book practiced by others as the ‘word of God’ when in fact it was many words from different prolific drug users.

I can guarantee (well I can’t but I feel strongly about this therefore it’s all good) that when Jesus was having his pot fuelled discussions with his mates, he did not think it would have exploded on such a global scale. (Apparently what happens in Jerusalem doesn't stay in Jerusalem! School boy error.) Some bright spark figured they would use these ‘words of wisdom’ to their will and to force gullible folk into a fearful existence… oh and they also dictated that to be holier than thou, you must be really old, look like a biscuit and also wear shit clothes. Joyous. Other ‘religious’ leaders with more entrepreneurial spirit decided that they would cash in on the ‘God’ stuff by tweaking the Bible and nicking parts from Sci Fi movies and fairytales, while charging followers to enjoy this amazing life. Genius.

I’m all for people believing in whatever they wanna believe in. My mother says it’s all about having faith in the things which are not so obvious or sometimes hard to believe in, whereas I think it’s all about thinking for yourself. I’m thinking… but I’m still yet to find an answer. BUT don’t get this twisted as I don’t need saving and I don’t need leaflets pushed through my front door. Trying to figure out my own mind, body and soul is hard enough without religious theology thrown in the mix. Oh what does it matter anyways as according to the Bible I’ve already booked my spot down in hell… and I’ll save a seat for you when I get there!

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80s Revivalists